Common Problems, Uncommon


“IF you want a treat,
if you’ve earned a treat,
if you have to treat yo self…
Get Treaties Treat Snacks Treat Cakes Now!!

Numa Numa,
Duma Yuma,
Simple Bojah,

The obnoxious music blasted through the Kitsune’s Hull at 92 decibels.

“Aura,” System shouted in her mind, “Cancel current audio from ship wide coms!”

The music ended abruptly.

Infuriated, System had not only heard the song play through the coms speakers, but also had it blasted directly into her mind.

“Computer, who authorized the ship wide coms?”

“The meta script in data file 3029.kfd9…” the computer replied.

“Why did the filtering protocol not filter out that script?” System replied.

“Captain, there is a redundant error in the core mainframe S.P.A. Meta filters. I am currently attempting to repair the integrity.”

Aura was then silent.

This was so embarrassing.

System had taken on a physical body of crew for the first time.

Too many things were going wrong, too many mistakes. Each of them seemed to be more and more embarrassing than the last. It was starting to feel personal.

“Aura set align for Station VIII, Akkilen, Sisters of Eve Bureau, and initiate warp. Call ahead and prep docking protocols,” System commanded the AI program.

She then opened a private console and ordered up the voice coms connect to the Sisters station.

“Station VIII switchboard program Greta Mark V here. How may I help you capsuleer?” the attendant program responded.

“Greta, please connect me with Jita IV IV, capsuleer quarter 17b 384 c5, Authorization: Baud Victor 9 Kilo 726 Charlie.”

The tone beeped quietly as the connection was being made.

Systems mind drifted, ‘There was usually not time for the mind to drift, until there was too much time for the mind to drift,’ she thought.

Then her mind lingered on her old friend Jason, she wondered how he was these days, she would have to drop in on him, next time she was near… the coms program interrupted, “Capsuleer, there is no response from your connect. Would you like to leave a message?”

“Yes, Greta.  Commence Message. Fernando my old friend, how are you? Well, I don’t know why I asked that… this is a message and I don’t really expect an answer, since this is an audio recording… ” her voice faltered for a moment, oh how she hated leaving messages. “Uhm, remember the incident on Tzvi VI?  Well I’m calling in that favour.  I need a Warrant Officer Grade Boatswain’s Mates.  I need someone I can trust to take care of all the problems of taking on a new crew, a new vessel, and all the problems accoutrement.  I don’t lose ships very often so maybe what I need is a very good agency that can provide me such high calibre well trained Officers that can intercept and deal with all the day to day issues. Fern, I need your help.  You know me I am not a tough captain, and I suffer for that. I need someone that can be tough for me.  I prefer someone that can be quartered and assigned directly to me, one who travels with me following whatever ship I am on.  Ok, well… I don’t know how to end these calls so,” and she then just pushed the disconnect button from the record.

“Ok Greta, leave that message for Fernando.”

System logged off the private console and internally sighed a sigh of relief.

It was short lived.

“Captain,” Aura spoke into her mind again, “There is a fire on C Deck and auto suppression system is not responding, the auto dock protocols are also, although not related, unresponsive and dock control is waiting for your reply to confirm if we want to dock. Also there are 23 urgent command requests from 6 different ship department coordinators waiting for your response.”

The tension was back in her neck.

Fernando had better come through for her this time.

She did not think she could put up with this much longer.

“Captain, your vitals show you are conscience. Please reply… Captain?”


System wonder how long her silence could be sustained.

Have a grand party celebration with eighteen old friends they said… #CapsuleerStyle


Republic Security Services: Testing Facilities
The Citadel, Isoma 0.3 C1: Tama VII – Moon 9

Invoice # 2309232-02-372: YC120:02-08 02:57

Billable to:
System Baud
Dock Bay 17c.92jac
Quarters: 502 z
Ring Park Centre

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Billable from:
SoMan Acqui. ltd-co
lic. no. 45843045g
Dock Bay 397v.17bhe
Quarter: 192 c
Trian View Mences


Royal VIP Star Quarters : 100,000isk/day, x6 days


Quafe Xrystal : 58,000isk each x17 ltrs


Exotic Dancers Services inc. : 75,000isk x7 Male


Exotic Dancers Services inc. : 182,000isk x22 Female


Quasar Package: Magic Lights and Smells : 3,295isk


Whiskey, Rum, and Vintage Spirits : 500isk x32 bottles


Damages to Leopard Shuttle(s) : 297,455isk x2


Write off Leopard Shuttle(s) : 215,000,000isk x1


Damages to Royal VIP Star Quarters : 97,000,295isk


Damages to Station Structure : 427,000,000isk


Trunar Cleaning Services : 25,000isk


Station Administration Fees : 7,925,000isk


Return Access Fee Gratuity : 10,000,000isk




Tax [Rate 17.37%]




Service grat.






Total payment due in 3 days

Make payments to: SoMan Acqui. ltd-co
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